The blues; unwanted and unwelcomed!

I sat down at my computer after putting the girls down for a nap, my intention to post about my life; the truth about my life. I quickly began to scroll through other bloggers posts, enjoying what I was reading and thinking maybe I shouldn't post something so personal and so "disturbing". Then, I saw Dorothy's post and felt relief to know that I am not the only one with these "blues". Thank you Dorothy for your honesty and courage!

So, I remember vaguely feeling a little "blah" after I had Cadence, but I never experienced anything like what I have been feeling lately. It is hard to explain and I would like to blame a lot of it on the hectic schedule that we lead and all of the demands that take over my life, but it is more than that! It is a feeling of empty, loss, and confusion at times. And while I am feeling all of this I can be smiling and laughing with my friends and family... I don't know really what it is other than the "blues"! It is weird, awkward, unwanted and unwelcomed!

I have been struggling to stay in touch with one of the people that I love the most in this world, Cory! It is so hard because he is so quiet and reserved and doesn't notice my awkwardness. So when he doesn't say anything, offer to help me, just be with me, or rub my head and shoulders that are in extreme pain because of my migraines...I get SO UPSET, not mad but an inward "seething" that I have never felt before! But instead of communicating with him, I have been saying nothing, which only makes it worse! I have had so many battles with him in my head during the last month that I feel at this point there is really no need to fight with him at all, because I have already done it time and time again!

Well, 2 days ago I woke up early, before Cory and the girls, and started my day with a devotion. I read Gods Word and I prayed. I haven't done either of these things in a very long time and it did feel good! I have continued to have a devotion every morning since. I don't know that I have felt a complete turn around. But I definately feel more hope and peace than I was feeling 2 days ago.

Something that I really don't understand about this "Postpartum" stuff is, I have never been more blessed and happy with my life, my husband is a great man, my children are adorable and everything I would ask for, and I LOVE my job, but even so, I FEEL NOTHING! Is it really possible to be feeling this way? You know, as I right this a relevation comes over me. That even though I love my family and my job and other earthly things, they are not and should not be the things that make me happy, The Lord is the ONLY thing that can give me TRUE happiness! So, I will continue to pray and read His word. I will continue to fight these unwanted and unwelcomed hormones that are taking over my body!

Please pray for me!