For City Girl....from country girl

I know it is hard to believe (I was going to say swallow there, but then thought that might just be gross...)! But yep, it is all true, every single word and I have many more stories too! Like the alligator in the blood pond and the rat stomping that we used to do! Oh, yeah, that's what a country girl does!

OK, Shannon, so you feel a little better...most cattle men and farmers that I know normally would not kill a cow when it was pregnant. This particular cattleman just happened to be, well, not that considerate! AND think of the bright side...we saved ole Pete! What a good cow!

My mom; my hero!

Reading Lindsays blogs makes me think of the Good Ole Days when I was growing up.
The following story is not for everyone. I warn you that there is graphic content.

When I was growing up, my Grandpa Bud owned Follett's Meat Co. just north of Hermiston. Both of my parents worked there when my brothers' and I were little, so we spent all of our days at "the plant" doing the things that butchers kids do; playing in the guts, taking naps under the wrapping table, practicing our butchering skills (when allowed to) and racing to see who could get the eyeballs out of the skull the fastest! Yep, it's true, that's what we did (and much more...)

Anyway, one day a farmer brought in a mama cow. She was pregnant and the farmer told my grandpa that if the calf came through the "kill" and survived that us grandkids could keep the calf. So, my mom, who worked on the "killfloor" with my grandpa was determined to get us kids a calf. The "kill" took place and my mom and my grandpa raced through the procedure to get the calf out in time. From the time they shot the cow to the time they got the calf out, several minutes had passed and the calf was not breathing. BUT, it had a heart beat. All of us kids stood around, blankies in hands, chewing our nails, wide-eyed waiting to see if our calf made it through. My poor mom felt horrible, so with some hope that it might survive, she started CPR. Yep, you got it, CPR on a calf! and wouldn't you know it that darned calf lived! We kept him in our utility room for way too long, but boy is that a fun memory!

My mom is my hero! For many more reasons than just that one!

7 weeks, 2 days

Thank you to everyone who has been so encouraging and prayerful. I appreciate all of the prayers. Sometimes that is just the medicine our bodies need, isn't it?

Well, here are a few updates:
1. I received a message from the nurse yesterday that my Progesterone level is going up and they are very encouraged by that movement! Yeah! Praise God! I am so excited!

2. I had my first real case of morning sickness this morning, mid-morning! Going about my business after breakfast feeling like I could tackle some projects that I have been putting off and BAM! It hit me, complete exhaustion, felt like I had a truck full of muck dumped right over the top of me; hard to move, hard to talk, hard to keep my eyes open...then, after laying down for about an hour, BAM! nausea struck! Right before lunch, of course, so fixing lunch for the girls was not the easiest thing to do, but you know what I say to all of that...BRING IT ON! Being sick and tired is a Great sign of pregnancy, so even though my body is not having fun, my heart is jumping for joy! Praise God!

3. I am taking a couple days to ween Cozette. The first bottle we gave her did not go down so well, but since then she has been a trooper! Yeah! So, I am feeling a little better in that department. A couple more days and she should be a formula baby for good!

So, thank you all again for taking time to encourage and prayer for us! By the way, I am pretty sure this is a girl! (But, I thought Cozette was going to be a boy, so who knows!) If this one turns out to be a boy...I will be TOTALLY surprised!

7 weeks, 2 days! Yes!

December

Today, I write this post for me! Because I need to get this; all of these thoughts out of my head. I feel flooded; with emotion, with decisions, with circumstances that I really have no control over, with memories, with research...

December for the past 5 years has been a very difficult month for me. Cory and I lost our first child, Colten David Cooley, on December 24, 2002. He was born prematurely, just a couple days shy of 24 weeks gestation. He was 7 oz, 8 inches. He survived for 45 minutes, all of which he was cradled in mine or Cory's arms. He was amazing, he was perfect, he was a true blessing and miracle from God. We don't understand everything about what happened or why it happened but we know that he is safe with the Lord, learning how to praise God with the Angels. The thoughts and memories of that day and that time in our life are hard, but at the same time so many wonderful things happened to us during that time that we have to praise God for having His Hand in EVERYTHING!

Since that time Cory and I have:
had Cadence in 2004,
followed by 2 miscarriages 05 and 06,
a surgery in 06 to remove endometriosis and a tumor
then healthy pregnancy and delivery of Cozette in 07,
and are expecting again in Aug 08...

Last week I found out that my body is not producing enough Progesterone (a hormone needed to sustain the pregnancy). The doctor has put me on a prescription for Progesterone and that should help sustain the pregnancy. I am very excited that we even have this option to work with and that we will possibly save the pregnancy and not miscarry!

BUT...
I guess I thought we were in the clear after the surgery and having such a great pregnancy with Cozette and now to hear that we might run into complications...I am pretty baffled! I am having so many worries and "memories" flood me that I feel pretty overwhelmed...

Also, today I just found out that because I am taking the Progesterone I will have to stop nursing! I know that I did good to make it to 9 months, but my goal was a year so I feel a little defeated! To some nursing isn't that big of a deal, but I really do enjoy it and I think there are so many benefits of nursing, However, I do not want put Cozette at risk by nursing her while I am on this medication! Then there is a part of me that thinks that I might end up miscarrying anyway, so maybe I shouldn't take the medicine so that I can keep nursing. I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT! and I feel very badly for thinking and feeling that way, but I do unfortunately....

Here comes my real selfishness: I want to get pregnant and have babies and have a family. Simple. Not complicated. No Problems. No disappointments. No regrets! But I feel like we get complications, problems, disappointments and regrets over and over and over again.

I feel like the lady in Steel Magnolias when she is in the graveyard after burying her daughter...put together with a plan and determined one second and falling apart and desperate the next second!

I feel all of the above and then I feel calmness and a sureness that God is in control. That He has a plan! and I don't know it, I might never know it, and I guess I don't need to, but right now... I WANT TO KNOW! I want to know why my babies don't survive! Why does my body fail me? Why? Why? Why?

God, You are my refuge and strength! I know your burden is light, take this from me! Let your will be my will! Help me to not be selfish, help me to be strong, to be an example for others, to be your servant, ready to do your will!